Updated: May 30
Just about everyone has had that space in time where at that moment nothing mattered or even existed.
You were “too through” and there was nothing left to do but let go. Damn etiquette, process, couth, or the ramifications of side-eyes shooting judgment daggers sharp enough to cause a bleed-out as they watched your undoing.
You were the grand finale of the moment like the last round of fireworks at Navy Pier in Chicago on the fourth of July weekend.
Of course, the onlookers had their experience that would soon be spun into the water cooler anti-biblical “see I told y’all she ain’t changed” commentary with no thought of your experience.
In a moment of breakdown and devastation, it can feel like your reaction is more notable than the pain that got you there in the first place.
Let’s not mistake this writing for one meant to speak to the outside of personal chaos; I’m not into entertaining the irrelevant without context.
The "outside" (situations created and people made privy to your pain that is given the power to impact you emotionally, spiritually, and socially) is worth mentioning only to bring awareness. The “outside” is usually made to be a factor at low points in our lives by us.
Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s move on. Understanding the outside is necessary to make us go inside to gain clarity and strength is the only context in which the outside should be acknowledged.
When the outside of heartbreak is entertained it becomes the "D" you don’t want – DISTRACTION. But the "D" no one wants but just about everyone has is the way of the 21st century.
Yep, community "D" is still a thing. The only difference these days with this "D" is there will be no comfort upon entry or exit. I mean, if we take a moment to chat about the many forms the "D" can take it’s easy to see how we invite the outside to the forefront of our lives without even realizing it.
The "D" can be binge-watching your days away on whatever app keeps you glued to the couch or bed, drinking, using every available moment socializing or entertaining, social media, shopping, gambling, sex, alcohol, constant counterproductive alone time, pornography, or overeating food just to name a few.
These are all choices some of us make to pacify ourselves when we have reached our limit, don't have answers, or are too numb and defeated to do the work to arrive at a solution.
So, there you stand all “King Kong ain’t got ish on me” while people stare as though they’ve never gotten to the end of a rope and dangled for a bit before they learned tying a knot and hanging on was an option.
Slowly one "D" can lead to another like DESTRUCTION of your drive, dreams, creativity, and ability to believe in yourself.
The meltdown is just as human and general as can be. But this is not a space that should be visited consistently. If you find yourself at this space or a few minutes removed often, a foundation check is in order.
I remember what it felt like to be completely out of balance. I had no idea what I was feeling was due to being imbalanced. All I knew was a switch could flip for me as suddenly as an unexpected gust of wind through my freshly styled bangs.
The hardest part of pinpointing imbalance is all of the things you have made your norm to support it. These norms have become your emotional support that can be accessed immediately for temporary relief in the form of the "D".
The problem is you begin to automatically gravitate toward the immediate temporary fix which pulls you farther from the internal journey; the long-term solution.
The great part is as swiftly as your switch flips and bangs will flop in the wind; the decision can be made to substitute one "D" for a new D- DEDICATION.
And since the better the "D" you have the better the come up, add in DETERMINATION, DISCERNMENT, DEVOTION, being DELIBERATE, and DISCIPLINE and rotate them in and out of your newly developing mindset as necessary.
The ultimate D’s, your DIVINE DESIGN await you stepping into the purpose of your creation. So even if your distractions are not on this list pause, do a foundation check, and list what your distractions are.
What are your plans to face them? What’s your strategy to keep you moving forward? What will you put in place of your poisonous "D" to make space for your fortifying "D"?
Do you need help? What options have you considered? The boost you want requires you to choose which "D" you will let in next.